oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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