I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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