I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
