CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
