took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize