umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
