There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
