wat bout pragnant strippers??
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She announced her abortion via fbk
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
