just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
