you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize