Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
