Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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