I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm always down for nudity.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
