This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
