she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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