I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is the high leading the old right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
