i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
