The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
