I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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