her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
