drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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