How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
