it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
