This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everclear isn't food dammit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize