i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
