they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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