worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
