we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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