SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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