I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
