Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
