His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize