I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
