no you cant smoke seaweed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
