Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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