I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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