I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
