Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize