I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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