people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
