I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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