i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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