She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
