you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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