why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
