dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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