There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
