there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
