Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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