I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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