i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
