just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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