I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
