He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
