We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
