Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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