remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
