Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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