THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Itβs a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. Thatβs a game changer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
