Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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