Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize