glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
