Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
