You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
