After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
