my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
