you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
