I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
