just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
