Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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