My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
