I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
