my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm really busy with my period
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