Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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