she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
