At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
