she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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