I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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