so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
