i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
